so, anyway, i am going to rant a little bit. I met this amazing guy one day, off of a site called interpals. Right away, from the first message that he sent me, i knew he was something special. His words went straight to my heart. well, my account got deleted so i found a way to send him my email adress from my friends account and i told him to email me. It may be silly to feel so strong about someone you havent met, or even just started to talk to. But there was something that had me so hooked from the start, i couldn't risk missing out on knowing someone like him. So, a few days later he sent me an email. Ever since that day we emailed each other every single day. We had so many insightful and deep, meaningful, conversations about so many important things, Life, people, politics, fears, our goals in life, what we want, our past, he told me stories, showed me poems and i showed him songs, he shared the books he liked with me, the movies he liked, every thing you could probably think of. We laughed together, [on cam ] even from the begining we were so open and honest with each other. there was nothing we kept from eachother, we turned out to be so close, and such good friends. Then a few months later, he told me that he thinks he is falling in love with me. I was scared. I knew how i felt, i knew how important he became to me. I couldn't say it back. But he went on like he never said it. and things were the way they always were. But then, i just kept feeling so strong about him. I didnt want to be afraid. So a few weeks later, i had the guts to tell him that i felt the same. He took away all my doubts and my fears of loving another person. he made them better. I have no doubts anymore about us.  And Now, Im not sure what we are, but i can say that i dont ever want to put the label boyfriend to him, because its too simple of a name. He is so much more than that. He's like my best friend, My world, he is the reason that i have found in every thing i do now. I can barely keep my mind off of him at all. I tell him things that i can really never say to anyone else because i always feel wrong about things i think, like i should not say them. But he doesnt make me think that way, atleast not when i am talking to him. Even from the start, we were more honest than i think we've ever been to anyone else in our lives. atleast, that is the way it is for me. I feel like all my masks are gone, uncovering my real self. The only thing in, he lives in a nother country. silly i guess. But when i am talking to him on the phone, i feel like he's here, at least, hes in my mind and my heart. I close my eyes and i feel like he's next to me. He knows the perfect things to say. We talk for hours as much as possible on the phone, and still, we can never get enough of each other. No one has ever reached this place in my heart as this boy has. This summer, i am moving closer to him, and eventually we are going to meet. and i know that most grown-ups will tell me that i better be careful,  blah blah blah, But i've seen him on cam, Ive been talking to him for months now, maybe I dont know his whole life, but i know him. and he hasn't lied to me yet, and i know that most of the people i know think that what i am doing would be hard to have a relationship with someone in another country, but what they don't realize is how love can be so strong that it can make you feel complete even when you aren't standing next to the person, even when there are so many miles seperating two people who really love eachother. and for him, i would wait a lifetime to see him. I would. Im not just some silly 18 year old girl who doesn't know what love is. I've been learning my whole life what love is not. And i know enough about my feelings and my heart to know what i want. and he's exaclty what i want for the rest of my life. So if i am crazy, let me be crazy, i am embracing what i have found, I never want to push him away. I can't go a day without thinking or wishing about him. He's put back all the pieces of my heart that i lost before, I thought i could never find something so perfect in my life because of my past, I thought i was just doomed to be alone, i started to accept it, and then one day, when i least expected anything, for my life to change in every way it could, here this boy comes rushing in my life, and he became my world. Im listening to my heart. I have to, i have no other choice with feelings that fill my heart and makes it feel, so...much bigger than it has ever been my entire life, I feel like there was something missing before him. And sometimes, i love him so much my heart can barely take it, so the only thing it can do is grow, stronger, bigger, and it can only love him more. I have no control over it. None. and for the first time in my life i am not afraid to feel so complete and good, perfect in our own way.  we've talked about living together. And i hope things will work out. no, i need things to work out with him. Because i already know what i want there are no more questions or doubts about it. The thing i think i like most about him, is because of how big our want is for the same things in life, the same things we fear, the same things we need, the same happiness, we share everything and i have never wanted anything more than how i want to be with him. i have never felt so close to, something this real, beautiful and true before. And if any one thinks i would let this slip away, or let anything destroy what i have found, well then i am not the crazy one. i am in love.